I found myself in an all too familiar position: as the leader. Once again, I was bravely leading the way, heading the charge, driving the team expertly towards the shelter. Like the alpha dog, the leader of the wolf pack, the front goose in the V-shape, I cut a quick and concise path ever towards our ultimate destination.
Destination? More like destiny. This is what I trained for, prepared for, lived for. As we walked, JB nervously peppered me with questions. I could tell he was afraid. That was good. Fear would keep him alive in situations like this.
We crossed the nearly abandoned streets, darted from shadow to shadow between the closed shops and strip malls. I was nimble on my feet. Holy cow I was quick! All my training, my agility exercises, my perfectly sculpted body, it was all made for this. I was like Michelangelo’s David, except that I was cut from steel, not marble. I wasn’t made to be simply gawked at, I was made for action. And I needed a bigger leaf, if you know what I mean.
Our group was nearly at our destination before JB finally put his foot down, huffing and puffing and demanding a break, and to know the full details of the plan. I told him that if he followed my training program, he wouldn’t need a break. As for the details? I supposed that was a fair question. I sighed and said okay.
JB reached for the rolled up parchment but I, being quicker and better trained and more handsome, was able to move it away from his grubby paws. “It’s rude to take things that aren’t yours without saying please,” I reminded him. JB gave me his patented death glare but I, as always, pretended not to notice and just focused on the fact he said ‘please’ before reaching for the paper again. I relinquished it this time.
He unraveled the paper and then let out a small sound of disgust. He turned the paper around, inspecting both sides noisily, oafishly. The paper was entirely blank. “Dang it, Jimmy!” JB shouted, “I thought you said you had a plan.”
I smiled. “I do have a plan. I never said that it was written down on that paper, you only assumed that. And you know what happens when you ass-ume, JB?” I knew he wouldn’t answer me, so I did it for him. “It makes an ass out of u and me.”
He didn’t speak, just stood there tapping his foot, the annoyance on his face as clear as the name BJ on his chest. “Anyways, you don’t write down your plan. That’s how people get caught. No paper trail on this one, we’re going in and out real simple. It’s the perfect plan.” JB still looked unconvinced. “And absolutely nobody will get hurt,” I added. He looked, somehow, even less convinced after I said that, so I decided it was definitely time to disperse the details.
“I’ll tell you the whole plan, step by step. But first, you have to put on your wig.”