Transcribed word for word from audio recording. First session, beginning of second tape. Notes added to show emphasis or mood where needed by Stephanie Rahl, BA of Stenography.
Dr. Kim Dress: Jimmy, I think that’s more than enough about your father for now. Why don’t we talk about something else for a bit?
Jimmy: Like what?
Dr. Kim Dress: Well, how about what happened to your arms?
Jimmy: What do you mean? My arms are always like this.
Dr. Kim Dress: I don’t think that that’s true, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Well, how would you know? This is our first meeting, you have no idea what my arms usually look like. Unless you’ve been watching me like a creep at the gym or something.
Dr. Kim Dress: Jimmy -
Jimmy: I work out you know, just in case you were blind and couldn’t tell. It’s the same workout that The Rock does, so you know that it’s good. But still, a little creepy to be watching me doc, shame on you.
Short silence. Shuffling of papers can be heard.
Dr. Kim Dress: I think you know that people don’t usually have that many scratches on their arms. Do you want to talk about it?
Short silence.
Dr. Kim Dress: Jimmy, can we talk about that?
Jimmy: About what again? The average amount of scratches that people have on their arms? I don’t have those numbers off the top of my head. Should I start a web poll or -
Dr. Kim Dress: (exasperated) No, no. Never mind. When you’re ready to talk about it, we will.
Short silence.
Dr. Kim Dress: Let’s move on to a lighter subject. Tell me, why do you feel like a detective?
Jimmy: Excuse me?
Dr. Kim Dress: Why do you feel -
Jimmy: There you go again, there’s that word. Feel. Feel. Why do I feel like a detective? Because I am one!
Dr. Kim Dress: Jimmy -
Jimmy: Do you feel like a psychologist?
Short Silence.
Dr. Kim Dress: I do feel like a psychologist, Jimmy, because I am one. I went to school for it and I have multiple degrees right there on the wall.
Jimmy: (sarcastically) Okay then. Great. We all feel like we are the things that we are. What a break through. I feel like a new man, doc!
Dr. Kim Dress: I thi-
Jimmy: I was being sarcastic just now. Figured I should clue you in, since only one of us in this office is a detective.
Dr. Kim Dress: Jimmy, you are not a detective.
Sound of hand smacking forehead.
Jimmy: Dang it! You’re right, actually. I’m not a detective, I’m a lead detective. I have it written on my badge at home in a drawer, I don’t go around plastering the walls with my accomplishments, I find that to be in bad taste.
Dr. Kim Dress: I think that you need to calm down a little. You want to be a detective? That’s great, let’s look at some evidence then. One reason that you can’t be a detective is that you’re not old enough.
Jimmy: Agent Cody Banks was fifteen, which means that he most likely started his training at twelve years old or younger.
Dr. Kim Dress: That’s a movie, Jimmy.
Jimmy: It’s two movies.
Sighing is heard.
Dr. Kim Dress: You’re a very smart young man, so I think you know that’s not the point.
Jimmy: (louder) Then what is the point? You think I haven’t heard all this before? From a teacher, from a parent, from the other kids in my class?
Dr. Kim Dress: And what do you tell them?
Jimmy: I tell them that I am what I am. I didn’t choose the job, the job chose me.
Dr. Kim Dress: And?
Jimmy: What do you mean ‘and’?
Dr. Kim Dress: And what else do you tell them?
Jimmy: Sometimes I tell them to go to H-E-double hockey sticks, if you know what I mean.
Dr. Kim Dress: I -
Jimmy: It means hell. Just in case you didn’t know. But that’s only if it’s the kids at school saying something, I obviously wouldn’t say that to a parent or a teacher.
Dr. Kim Dress: Jimmy -
Jimmy: Of course, maybe I would, it would depend on the situation. Never say never, that’s what I always say. Hmmm, let’s see. Sometimes I also tell them to S a couple of D’s, if you know what I mean.
Dr. Kim Dress: That’s -
Jimmy: It means they should su-
Dr. Kim Dress: (loudly) That’s enough, Jimmy!
Short silence. A chair is pushed back, a door opened.
Dr. Kim Dress: I think that our time is up.
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Comments
I always love the banter with Jimmy and anyone else. It makes me a little sad knowing stuff is going on with Jimmy. The insistence of him being a lead detective is hilarious. The exacerbated sighs say a lot about how the psychiatrist is FEELing.
I like that we got to see Jimmy's session notes. I'm curious if he'll meet Jamesy Boy? That would be trippy. And don't worry: you are a detective little guy!
Don’t let them change you Jimmy!
I wanted to pick up where I left off and knew it was around these psychiatrist scenes which were my favorite so I just restarted here anyway. I like how snappy and concise their dialogue is here. Makes me laugh.